I'm putting them on Ebay. Buyer collects and gets a huge reward.

During half term the grandparents had our kids so we could get on with some DIY - of course as below we were both ill so only completed about 75% of what we wanted to do.  And had a huge row, so that was nice.

It turns out that the children were pretty vile towards my parents last week.  OH WELL DONE.  Every time I actually get a compliment about them, my heart skips with joy because I think, oh, I've done alright by them.  Once, my father actually said they were great at saying Please and Thank You.  Imagine! I nearly died of delight.

Mid week I was on the phone to my mother, who had written No 2 off as a "little beast", trying to explain calmly that my daughter was most probably being a cow because the only stability she's had in her life since she was plucked out of her beloved nursery and plonked in The Shire is me, her mother, all day everyday for six weeks (save the odd hour in the creche at the leisure centre) and now even that's gone.  Not an excuse, she should still be doing as she's told (No2, not my mother......) but an explanation.

Anyway, they were mighty pleased to hand them back.  However, the children are still being Little Shits.  I am invisible to them, until I actually act out my threats.  Example: went to local supermarket yesterday, having had a lovely day with No 2.  In the car, I explained that we were going to get THEM some things - for tea, for wearing, for washing with.  I explained that I wanted them to stay with me and so on.   Anyway, the long and the short of it is that No 1 went in to absolute meltdown when I started putting things back on the shelves, having lost No 2, asked him to stand still whilst I found her and then came back to find him dong something I had asked him repeatedly not to do.  Kicking, screaming like a stabbed rat, pulling on my back (neck still a bit sore, thanks mate) and then, whilst I was being calm calm serene goddess, pulled the belt detail on the back of my coat so hard, after repeatedly asking him not to because he would break it, the piece of material came away leaving two gaping holes in my raincoat.

At this point, No 2 was being an angel, having totally forgotten her misdemeanours of running off, picking up things from the shelves (I found her with An Egg?!?!),, so I gladly handed her to a lovely young woman who was offering to help, hauled the Stabbed Rat off the floor and carried him to the car, where upon he proceeded to slam the car door several times before getting in and wailed all the way home.

*sigh*

Oh, and the day before, I'd been out in the garden getting some washing ou before school (because my neighbour had had a bonfire ALL DAY the day before so I thought I'd stake my claim first this time) and horrible No 2 played with the patio doors and locked me and No 1 in the garden.  We had to borrow a ladder off absent next door neighbours, climb on to the flat roof to a spare room window, which I knew wasn't locked shut, then persuade No 2 to come upstairs and open the window, where upon No 1 jumped in and went downstairs, unlocking the doors.  Only 40 minutes late for school.  But again, absolutely no understanding that she might have done something wrong.  In fact the creche ladies at the gym were telling me that she'd been retelling the tale to them - and of course it was hilarious because she was in Angel mode.....

I have told school the truth though. No 1's been late twice, and instead of just writing "late" when I've been signing him in, I've written "scooter-related tantrum" (full on Stabbed Rat when I couldn't open his bent scooter properly so he couldn't ride it to school) and "locked out by 3 year old".  They'll thank me for my honesty.

Oh and re the row - TMM has admitted that perhaps dumping me in an area I don't know at all and telling me to get on with it was rather unfair and indeed, yes, he should have been more supportive.  Well done.  Muppet.

Oh, here I am......

Well.  That worked, huh? This blog thing? 

To be truthful, the whole leaving job, leaving London, becoming a Shire dweller, becoming a full time mother thing has just hit me for six.  I don't seem to have any time.  (And any stuff I've got to say is just moaning because of the the whole leaving job, leaving London, becoming a Shire dweller, becoming a full time mother thing.  The health visitor came round to meet No 2 and let me know help is there if I should need it, though, so I do know where to go to get some real life support, panic not.)

And now we have time - half term, kids with grandparents, TMM has taken some time off.... what happens? Yup - ILL. Head down loo night before last - me, lunchtime yesterday - him, in bed with fever all day - me, from 3pm yesterday - him, tentative wobblyness today - both.  We're supposed to be DIY-ing this place senseless. 

So I have spent the bulk of today wielding a paintbrush, trying to be steady enough to do the tricky bits on the wall painting that TMM has not been able to do through lack of patience, whilst he's been off collecting his classic car from That London.  The paintbrush wielding is fine (and rather satisfying - I have decided that the silly foot long blinds and curtains that cover the silly side window in the extension are coming OFF leaving a nice neutrally painted space for me to put Things), the wobblyness and aloneness-whilst-feeling rubbish - not so much.

ANYWAY..... things for Child No 1 are looking up in that he managed to remember to ask his Best Friend if he would like to come to tea, then managed to listen to me long enough in the playground that he understood I needed to know a) who the Best Friend was and b) who his mother/father/carer was.  So we duly approached the relevant persons and although his mother looked at me like I was an ogre when I first spoke, we actually managed to arrange a tea date!

That was last Friday and the boys were brilliant - mainly because they kept out of my way - and I am very happy to see that my son's choice in friends is rather fabulous - very polite but friendly child.  Could teach No 1 a thing or two..... AND Best Friend's brother is the same age as my No 2 so BF's mother has suggested that I could drop No 2 off for the hour of my Pilates beginner course (that takes place just as the creche at the leisure centre closes) on Monday.  Well if that isn't nice.  She works at the leisure centre (evenings), actually, so she said if No 2 got upset she'd just drop her off so she (No 2) could find me herself.  Yes!!! A JOKE!!!! Exactly the sort of thing I'd say too!!!

She wouldn't have a cuppa, though.  So, being something of a tea fiend myself, I'm not sure we will be best friends........


I have also found the local amdram society and they are auditioning a week on Monday for their next show, which will be in November - they rehearse once a week so I would be able to manage that methinks (such a longer timescale than my last collective, but this is The Shire).  Unfortunately I have no way of knowing if they are shit or not.  I recently went back to That London and saw two amdram shows, both good standards, one (my previous group) STUNNING and it's made me realise that until the kids are old enough to microwave their own turkey drummers and I can get back out there and do some proper acting again I need to keep the dramatic cravings fed.  We'll see. 

However, I've managed to do precisely no studying.  But I have at least founded my desk space and got everything in a nice order on top of it.  And if I do my bit with the DIY I will actually be able to find my books and a space in which to work and will be able to demand more me time.

So back to the painting.  I'm going to stop in time for The Apprentice.  Hmmmm..........

Thanks for your comments, by the way.  I'm still in Dongle land unfortunately, so no replies from me for a while.  Sorry.